what's in a sign?

I’ve always thought Sleepless in Seattle was a cute movie. Maybe I knew I was meant to live here, maybe it’s the clever one-liners sprinkled throughout the script, or maybe it’s just because Rosie O’Donnell’s character is named Becky. But one of the major themes of the film has always stuck with me: signs. Are we bound by destiny or do we determine our own fate? Or, is it a bit of both?

Meg Ryan’s character personifies the dreamy romantic that always looks for signs to validate her decisions, whereas Tom Hanks is the rational guy that lives his life based upon facts and reality. Could a person that he’s never met really be “the one” for him, especially when they live across the country? Not likely, not possible, not ever.

These contradictory outlooks on life resonate with me. I tend to think along factual, rational, logical lines, especially when it comes to business. I make decisions based upon numbers, facts, and other types of evidence. I’m always looking for holes in someone’s argument or report to ensure that it’s something that I can trust.

But, on the other side, I have this sixth sense about me that has repeatedly proven it to be dependable. I have countless incidences with déjà vu, dreams that are somewhat prophetic and a fairly solid “gut check” for direction. The decision to move to Seattle was reinforced by both the rational side and the sixth sense – something “just felt right.” Even when I take the right brain vs. left brain quizzes, I’m always right down the middle.

All things being equal, how do you know when the emotional option should trump the logical one? Or, better yet, how do you know which chances are worth taking and which are idiotic? Like in the movie, some of you might think that moving across the country for another person is a little on the crazy side, while others might think it’s hopelessly romantic. How do you know when you’re right, and have you ever look for "signs" to justify the direction you’re heading?

Too great of expectations?

A couple of weeks ago, I posted something about how my cynical side has started to rear its ugly head in that I basically have become mistrustful of people. As I wrote it, I started to wonder if perhaps that some of my disappointment originated from having unrealistic expectations of others in the first place. Am I dooming myself?

And then I realized that the same question can be applied to any type of relationship, and it reminded me of the “a good friend is one that…” post that I did back in July where you each commented with your own answer. Perhaps the reason why any type of relationship falters is the fact that people have different opinions of what is good, proper and expected of one another.

Even going back to the friend post, there were so many different answers that it’s almost as much of a compatibility issue as with a romantic relationship. What I think makes a good friend may not be something others agree with or are comfortable doing. The Type A in me wants to ask who is right, but I know there’s no real answer for that. It’s just about the chemistry, which is a bummer because I was never very good at it. I had Ms. Tom, you see, and she was a nutjob that used to make us watch MacGyver instead of teaching. I digress…

I know we’re not supposed to really say nice things about ourselves, but I’ll break the rules here and say that I’m a good friend. I know I am. Part of it may be my fear of failing and letting people down, but it doesn’t change the fact that I would do just about anything for my “circle of trust.” Now, I’m not saying that I’m the perfect friend to everyone that I know because it takes time for me to build up to that.

A long time ago, someone told me that I’m almost too good of a friend to people because I then have the same expectations and most just can’t live up to them, nor do they want to. It takes too much effort. So, I could continue to be disappointed by people or I could just realize that everyone's different with their forms of expression. I’ve really tried to go with the latter but admit that I slink into the former. I can’t help it. It’s my neuroses of asking “why that person doesn’t seem to care as much as I do,” even though my rational self points out "well, you don't like to hug and don't want people to get offended by that, you hypocrite."

But then I really wonder if my expectations are all that unusual? As with dating, most of us probably also have deal-breakers even when it comes to friendships. And it's not like I do something and immediately expect a favor in return, but I do believe it should be a two-way street. No one likes to continually get stiffed in a dinner bill or only called upon whenever he/she needs something. It's a constant struggle for me to balance what might be unrealistic expectations versus what is generally considered to be unacceptable behavior (and no, please don't tell me to just "go with the flow," for that is just not possible with an Aries, mmmm kay?).

I'm extremely lucky to have the good friends that I do, so I thought I’d end this on a positive note and mention some of the things that they've done that have meant a lot to me:

We can talk about our different beliefs and not take it personally.

They've told me that it’s okay, at least for that one time, to allow myself to fail.

They help comb through my mom’s burned-out house.

They saw Dead Poet’s Society with me in the theatre five times (and paid for it).

They talk about taking trips with me, even though I’ll be a third wheel.

As I much as I can get frustrated about my mother, they realize that it’s not their place to say anything derogatory about her.

They've make sure that I'm not alone on holidays.

They know I'm NOT in the mood to talk.

They know when I am – and just listen.

They never said "I told you so."

Film Review

Invincible: B+

Yeah, I could've gone for the football action shot, but why waste a good "dude drenched and showing off his muscles and looks hot even though he has a 70s 'do" pic?

Mark Wahlberg stars in this real-life story about Vince Papale, a 30-year-old blue-collar type of guy from south Philly who tries out for the Eagles in 1976. It starts out as a PR event staged by new head coach, Dick Vermeil (played by Greg Kinnear) to get the city behind the team again, but 'lo and behold -- the guy has actual talent.

In case you don't know the story or haven't looked up the actual details, I'll leave the plot at that so that it's not spoiled. I didn't know anything about Papale and found myself anxiously waiting to find out how far he'd go, and if he made it, would he actually play?

I wouldn't say that this is the type of movie that's going to change your life or get you emotionally stirred up, like Rudy, but it's entertaining and the characters are what I'd call "real people." The acting is pretty good, which can be hard to pull off when playing a real person, and I actually thought I was watching this Papale guy, instead of just an actor.

I also liked how it shows Papale's personal side and his close group of friends that are always there to help each other out, even when times are rough. Strangely, we don't seem to see too many movies about "guys just being guys" without any weaponry, bling or superhero powers thrown into the mix. Elizabeth Banks refreshingly breaks the testosterone frontline of the film as Papale's potential love interest and is easily one of the more charismatic actresses I've seen in a long time (most recently playing JD's newly-pregnant girlfriend on Scrubs).

I also tend to appreciate movies more when their script actually sounds like something my friends would say. While I can admire a great screenplay, like Casablanca, with memorable lines, it has its time and place. A hard-edged sports movie showing how gritty life can be in south Philly with union strikes and trying to make ends meet should not have an Oscar-baiting soliloquy, a touching musical score, or an attempt to come up with memorable lines like "at my command, unleash Hell." Don't get me wrong, the movie has it's fair share of cliches that sports movies seem unable to avoid, but it doesn't get mired down in them.

As many critics have pointed out in the past, Disney makes good family sports movies, like Miracle (one of my faves about the 1980 US Olympic hockey team and a must-see for anyone) or Remember the Titans. From a comparison point of view, it reminded me a lot of The Rookie with Dennis Quaid in terms of an "over-the-hill" regular joe trying out for a pro team.

And with a PG rating, you can even take your kids to see it. I have to admit that when we walked out of the theatre, I had to ask my friends, "did you hear any swearing in that? I think it might've actually been PG." I don't remember the last time I've been to a just a PG movie that didn't involve taking a kid under the age of 12.

Yes, even without the swearing, I still enjoyed it. And if you like sports movies, then you probably will too.

Btw, in case you're wondering what keeps a movie from becoming an A, I'll just share with you right now. I did like Invincible a lot, but in order for a film to get an A, it really has to resonate some type of emotion with me, whether it be anger, sadness, happiness, envy, etc. This film falls a little short of having "the goose bump" or the "I must have this film when it releases on DVD" factors, which would elevate it to an A-level film.

Photo weekend

In the extremely unlikely event that any of you reading this will ever propose to me, I still want to put it out there...that this would NOT be the way to do it.

My friends and I found this when we emerged in the mall from seeing Invincible (review in a later post). Propsal dude is standing below the sign in a suit with a rose. We assumed his hopefully bethrothed hadn't shown up yet.

I know it takes some big cojones for a guy to be that confident to propose in public, but I'm just not the type of person that's into that method. I know that many are, and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's a personal choice of how to go about this. I would hope that any guy that's thinking of doing this considers whether or not the woman wants her own emotions on display to the public like that.

Later that night, I mustered up the courage to join one of the online social group events that a friend of mine recommended (it's a social thing for anyone, not a singles "hook up" organization), and we went to the women's roller derby game. I'd never been to one before, and I have to admit that it was pretty fun and something different to try.

It was actually quite cool seeing all these women just "go at it" with athleticism, power and aggression. I don't think it was as rough as what you see on TV, since some of that is "acted out" like wrestling, whereas this is a straight out competition to win (there are pretty strict rules of what you can and cannot do to the other players). And, these are all volunteers that do it just for fun.

In typical Seattle form, you had women of all shapes and sizes, in their 20s and up to late 30s, including those that were tatted all out with crazy hair and those that are probably soccer moms in their other life. The one that's featured up there is really good and she reminds me of Claire Danes, don't you think? Anyway, they played two games last night and the green team (Derby Liberation Front) pictured kicked all sorts of ass.

What I thought was pretty cool is how they nicknamed themselves, like clever OPI colors (ladies, you know what I'm talking about), including Darth Skater, Rollin Bayou, Katarina Whip, Bruise Lee, and of course, my all-time favorite of Astro Glide. I don't skate nearly as well as they do, but I can't help but wonder what my name could be.

I've got questions; you've got answers

1. If my bro, Andrew, were to have a red carpet dude make-over, wouldn't he look a lot like Neil Patrick Harris (who played Doogie Howser and is now on How I Met Your Mother)?

2. Do you ever intentionally “buy American?”

3. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping? With someone else?

4. Where does one purchase an “ass pillow?” UPDATE: I should clarify that this is for a sporting event, not for a medical reason:)

5. Give me one person on your blogroll (that’s not on mine) that I should visit.

6. What’s your zodiac sign and do you match the supposed personality traits for it?

7. If you HAD to perform in public, would you rather: give a speech, sing a song, dance a routine or play a tune (if you already do one on a regular basis, you have to pick another)?

8. Have you done or said anything in the last 24 hours that you regret?

9. Have you ever seen a ghost? If so, do tell...

10. Is there a new TV show you’re looking forward to seeing this Fall?

I thought I'd change from answering the questions in a new post and just answer in the comments.

_________________________________

Btw, results from the movie trivia earlier in the week:

1. Titanic
2. American Beauty
3. A Beautiful Mind
4. Braveheart
5. Silence of the Lambs
6. Forrest Gump
7. Annie Hall
8. The Godfather
9. Rocky
10. Dances With Wolves

The connection: they all won the Oscar for Best Picture. Congrats to Thomas who answered all of them correctly (yes, I made him do it offline to prove it).

A day in some bloggers' lives

Do you ever cruise around your city with some out-of-towners and think you've taken all these pictures for your blog and then you go to download them and you realize that you only have two -- and that the rest were the ones they took? Yeah, me too.

So, TAB and his girlfriend, Ms. Bunny, were in town this past weekend, and we did a whirlwind tour of the city of Seattle, which included a quick drive, downtown Seattle and Seattle Center just over a day. In order to preserve their anonymity, TAB's "theme" is to take pictures with a pink stuffed bunny, so without asking his permission, I'll steal his already-published shots for your entertainment.

The trip started off with a bang Reese and Kona taking no time to ingratiate themselves to TAB and Bunny and commence the aforewarned whoring. Ms. Bunny really set herself up for some attention by being so sweet to bring some lil' dog toys for them.

Bunny's laptop decided to take dump on the plane, so we had some time to kill before her appointment at the Apple store and I took them to the Troll, which lies beneath the Fremont Bridge in the art/hippy area of...ta da...Fremont. For once, it wasn't covered with tourists, so we were actually able to get a shot by ourselves. Bunny and I tried to climb the arm so we could pick the troll's nose, but alas, our legs weren't quite as long as TAB's in order to get the leverage up the rather sandy surface. I could just imagine myself backsliding and torquing my knee (again), so I bowed out.

This shot so deserves to be a caption contest, so have at it. You're probably wondering how it came to be that I got this shot with the Imperial Force, but I'll get to that in a minute. I just figured you needed a visual to keep reading. I realize that this is not a flattering picture of me, but fuck it, I think it's rather funny anyway.

We went through Pike's Market, waited a few minutes in the shoulder-to-shoulder crowd (it's our Times Square) to see if the dudes would chuck some fish around, but they did not. They only seem to do it now when someone makes a purchase or perhaps a booby shot (we did not elect to find the latter option out).

We ate at Etta's, which is one of Tom Douglas' many restaurants in the city (who won Iron Chef of America) because one of my friends said it was the "best hamburger EVER." I think we all agreed the cheese and bacon kicked ass but the burger was a little greasy and over-cooked. My friend has now clarified that she meant it was the "best hangover hamburger EVER." We also hit the original Starbucks, which I have to admit has a much more character than the newer stores.

Our next stop was the Seattle Center, which is the compound at Lower Queen Anne that has the Space Needle, Experience Music Project, and TAB's version of Mecca -- the Sci-Fi Museum. We decide to take the monorail from downtown, and we suddenly find the Imperial Force waiting for their ride. Seriously.

There was Darth, Anakin and four Storm Troopers waiting in line, just like everyone else. We found out that they are volunteers that dress up for charity and kids events. Darth and Anakin were both actually 6'6" and the Storm Troopers even spoke with a radio in their helmet. Needless to say, TAB had to get this shot of the bunny in the monorail. The funny thing was that afterward, the Storm Trooper actually said "that was fun."

Bunny attempting to jump off the Space Needle.

I hadn't gone to the EMP or the Sci-Fi museums yet, knowing that someone would come to town and want to visit them as well. I enjoyed both, but it did seem a little expensive for a couple of hours' worth of reading/wandering ($26).

What I enjoyed most is that the EMP has a fake concert set-up where you basically sing karaoke and play instruments, so we wailed to "I Love Rock N Roll" and discovered that apparently TAB really knows how to play the drums and sing. Bunny was on the keyboards and I played guitar, and together, we were The Moshing Rabbis. We were so worn out from our concert that we treated ourselves to Wild Ginger (asian fusion) downtown and Cold Stone ice cream.

I wasn't sure if I should post this, but then I decided to since it's more of a respect thing. We went through Lakeview Cemetary in Capitol Hill and saw Bruce and Brandon Lee's gravesites. It was actually kind of difficult to find since the backside faced the road. What was strange is that you can see about two inches to the left of Bruce's headstone that there's another grave right there, practically on top of each other. Both men died far too young when Bruce was at his peak and Brandon was just starting to make it.



One of our last stops before TAB and Bunny headed out was the Elliott Bay Book Store, which is one of the larger independent stores left. It's famous because the coffee shop in the show, Frasier, was designed as copy of this one (the pics of the coffee shop came out too dark to publish).

I had a great time with TAB and Bunny, and my door is always open for you to visit again. Or, should that wild hair take over and you guys decide to move this way, you know you'll have at least one friend and two whores waiting for you.

fairy tales, schmary tales

One of my blog reads posted the question a few weeks ago of whether or not "love can conquer all" (was that you, Lori?). I used to think so, but I no longer think that’s the case. When I was younger, I still had these romantic ideals that relationships were just like the fairy tale, but then as you get older, life starts to chip away at the fantasy.

We eventually start to realize that the princesses just want their diamonds, the princes just want a piece of ass, and the fairy godmother will grant that favor with interest on the return at 15%.

Okay, maybe that’s my cynical side rearing its ugly head, but you get my point. Not all of us are lucky enough to meet “the one” at the age of 14. As we start to live our lives, we realize that it’s more than just being able to get along and have a decent conversation. Things like (but aren’t limited to) career paths, geography, values, religious preferences, politics, priorities, difficult family members, and the desire to have/not have children start to change the dynamic. And while the ideal is that these types of things should be worked out beforehand, it’s quite common for at least one person to change their mind, as they get older.

Someone commented to me about how the divorce rate nowadays is so high, but I wondered if much of it had to do with the fact that our generation will no longer tolerate abuse and women are more financially independent. Abuse (from either gender) was something that people just didn’t talk about and even pretended it didn’t happen. And before, many women were “stuck” with abusive husbands because they never worked and it was difficult to support themselves and their children.

Most of you know what I’m talking about. Either you’ve been in the position where you suddenly “woke up” and realized that you don’t have to tolerate someone berating you, teasing you or patronizing you all the time, or you’ve witnessed other couples where this happens. You wonder how someone that is actually pretty smart doesn’t recognize that his/her partner is an inconsiderate jackass, and/or you worry about how far down the hole he/she will go before realization hits. And you can't say anything because he/she will think you're being over-protective and you might ruin your own friendship.

Being in love often blinds people into excusing what is considered unacceptable behavior by most, which leads me to ask the question, “Should love conquer all?” Or, are there times when love just isn't enough?

Blogger's being an ass and won't let me post any pics, which simply won't do to talk about my weekend with TAB and Bunny, so I'll do that later this week. In the meantime, I thought it would be good to do another movie quote game. You in? And, there's an overall theme to these, so tell me what it is (you may get it by knowing only a few of the titles).

1. Music to drown by. Now I know I'm in first class.

2. My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already.

3. If we all go for the blonde and block each other, not a single one of us is going to get her. So then we go for her friends, but they will all give us the cold shoulder because no on likes to be second choice (all single men should take note of that). But what if none of us goes for the blonde? We won't get in each other's way and we won't insult the other girls. It's the only way to win. It's the only way we all get laid.

4. There's a difference between us. You think the people of this land exist to provide you with position. I think your position exists to provide those people with freedom. And I go to make sure that they have it.

5. Do wish we could chat longer, but... I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye

6. Oh, yes sir. Bit me right in the buttocks. They said it was a million dollar wound, but the army must keep that money 'cause I still haven't seen a nickel of that million dollars.

7. Hey, don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

8. Hey, listen, I want somebody good - and I mean very good - to plant that gun. I don't want my brother coming out of that toilet with just his dick in his hands, alright?

9. Adrian!

10. Dunbar, not Dumb Bear.

T-G-I-F

I have a few posts that are about half-way written out, but I ran out of time to finish because I've been cleaning like a mo fo in preparation for TAB and Bunny's visit this weekend (yes, those are both aliases). So, I'm taking the easy way out and going with a random pictoral post for this fine Friday.

I actually met TAB last September with several other bloggers, so here's a pic from that meet up. Yeah, in keeping with the name, The Anonymous Blogger, the man is behind the cam. So, you have me, Lori, Sarah, Wes and Joel.







Did you ever wonder what it was like to look up the Statue of Liberty's dress? Well, now you know. This is as high as you can go (or least when I was there) after 9/11.

In keeping with the theme of random thoughts, I just found out The Rolling Stones are coming to Seattle on Oct. 21 in the football stadium. I really want to go -- anyone want to come with?




One of the things I will miss about Hawaii this winter is watching the huge waves. These two pictures were taken overlooking Waimea Bay on Oahu's North Shore. Granted, I was further zoomed out in the shot on the left, so large rock you see in the right picture is the one that looks like it's almost on the sand in the left.

The waves were washing in by the time I captured them on the right, but they were at least 15 feet before breaking...having come down from being 50 feet earlier in the day. It may not look like much, but the current would've kicked your ass. Trust me. At the time of the pic, they were running a huge surf contest with the world's most famous names, and I saw Andy Irons' heat while I was out there.

So, tell me what's Reese thinking? Mucho kudo points to the one with the best caption, but you have to stop looking at his ass.













Guess what? It's my pal, Doyle's birthday today. Go on over and wish him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY for me, k? I posted a video that I shot last year when he and his beloved, Chris, came to my place for dinner. I met them through blogging and we got together quite a bit thereafter, and became "real life" friends. If you watch the video, you get to hear my tone-deaf voice -- now isn't that a treat?




I have to go because I have a date with Maximus. And no, it doesn't escape me that he's in handcuffs. Yee-hah!

Party foul

A few years ago, my parents were giving a party and my mom asked my dad if he could get coasters for the guests' drinks. My mom is kind of a Martha Stewart when it comes to etiquette (parties, not the stock market) so imagine her surprise when she walked back into the living room to discover that my dad had passed out... my sister's nursing pads as coasters for the guests.

If you don't know what these are, they are cotton discs that women that are breast-feeding will put inside their bras so that when their boobs leak, it doesn't soak through their shirt. Even 10 years later, my dad rationalized his choice with the fact that they "really were more absorbant than regular coasters" and who could really fault him for wanting to further protect the wood furniture (uh huh...).

I'm not sure which I find more amusing -- the fact that he did it without thinking there was anything unusual about it or that the female guests kept a straight face when they not only accepted them but also used them (the men really thought they were really an ingenius new type of coaster).

Now, I know this has inspired a story from your own past, so spill.

Pretty please.

life imitating art

My sister's a nurse and she told me last week that her favorite patient died over the weekend. A 20-year-old male had a heart attack because his kidneys had given out on him. As if the story couldn't get more tragic, it was discovered that the father was a perfect live donor match...only the father suddenly left the country with some new young girlfriend less than three weeks before the transplant operation and was never heard from again. See, this shit doesn't just happen on Lost.

People often wonder why I can be so cynical or pessimistic and it's stories like these that do it. It's similar to the theory that you can do 10 favors for someone, but they only remember your one mistake. Or, someone can receive 10 compliments in a day, but it's the one insult that will always be remembered.

I don't know if it's that people are more evil than they used to be, or that we just happen to hear about it more in today's age, or if genetics are changing so that people are just born to be....well, assholes. I no longer assume that people are genuinely good, but it's more of a matter of just waiting for people to take a dump on you and in what form.

On one hand, I tell myself that I'm pretty smart to be more proactive in anticipating these things so that I don't get screwed over, but the other side is sad that I seem to have lost faith in others and could miss out on something that's genuine and good.

Just based upon reading other blogs, I know I'm not alone in my thoughts here, which leads me to wonder if our ever-increasing cynicism of others is also why it's harder to make "good" friends as an adult? And the irony that I may be so preoccupied with protecting myself that I may wind up screwing someone over is not lost on me, either, even as much as I'd like to think that I'm a good person overall.

How do you draw the line between self-protection and paranoia?

Hollywoodland: B

This movie doesn't release until Sept. 8, but I was able to see a sneak preview of it last week during a press tour with the director.

This 1950s-era film stars Adrian Brody, Diane Lane and Ben Affleck and it's about the suicide "mystery" surrounding George Reeves who played Superman on TV. Brody plays Louis Simo, the detective that Reeves' mother hires after the shooting because she doesn't believe that he would have killed himself.

Affleck plays Reeves through a series of flashbacks that coincide with the events of Simo's investigation, and may actually restore some of his career with this role. I've said all along that Affleck's true talent is supporting roles in good films. Don't believe me? Watch Good Will Hunting and Shakespeare in Love.

The always-sexy (yes, even to a hetero chick) and interesting Diane Lane plays Toni Mannix, Reeves' long-time mistress who is also married to the head of MGM studios.

Obviously, the events greatly mirror the mystery surrounding Marilyn Monroe's death, and even though Reeves was not early as famous or immortalized, it was an intriguing story to watch unfold. It was well-acted and the screenplay keeps things moving with an appropriate mix of humor, drama and music.

One of the things I noticed most was the way the film was shot, if you're a fan of cinematography and art direction. Afterward, the director said that he intentionally shot Simo's "world" in a gritty, almost modern way with straight-on angles, while Reeves' story was mostly shot in a warmer light and through windows and doors to achieve the voyeur perspective.

Perhaps it's through that vantage point that appeals to the viewers, for we've long since had an obsession with the ability to spy on those that are so tragic, yet staying just far enough away to not be drawn in ourselves. Simo does come to his own conclusion at the end of the film, though the director said that there's really no evidence to prove or disprove either theory. Like Monroe, it's one of those mysteries that will never be solved.

The main drawback to the film is that it's a little too long and could stand to lose about 20 minutes from it, most of which should come from Simo's personal life. It was more of a distraction to the real story, and quite frankly, didn't really seem that relevant to the investigation. But, even with that, if you're into these types of stories, the actors or even the era, then this is probably at least worth a rental.

And now the obvious question to shamelessly try to obtain comments is whether a woman could be as successful (and also considered attractive) as Oscar winner Adrian Brody or Owen Wilson with a similarly broken schnoz? Only one comes to mind, Meryl Streep, but I don't know if many dudes would consider her attractive.

Hidy ho

Here's a ghetto self-portrait of the boys and I. You would not believe how much it took just to capture this gnarley shot. Anyway, we just wanted to thank everyone for your kind words of support over the past week or so.

I just talked to my mom and she decided she would rather come here for Labor Day weekend and "get away." So, thanks for the comments below, and spa day, here we come!

I know, I know that Reese needs a hair cut and they're getting one this weekend. Why is it that when people see either one of my dogs for the first time, they always assume they're girls even when Reese has shorter hair (plus many other breeds have much longer hair)?

One cool thing about living in Seattle is that they have some type of fair or festival almost every weekend in the summer. Last weekend was the tail-end of Seafair where the Navy comes into town for Fleet Week.

These are the Blue Angels, which I recommend for anyone to see if they come to your area. The best part was when one of the jets buzzed over us only a couple hundred feet up.

I also toured a couple of Navy ships, which was entertaining because it had been a while since I'd been around some seamen.

My dear blogger column

Sorry I have not had "much" to post about the past few days. I cannot seem to catch up on my sleep over the past nine days or so and feel like I'm walking around in a haze.

I can't decide if I should go to Hawaii over Labor Day weekend and visit my mom. You're probably wondering how that should even be a question, given the circumstances. Well, there are a couple of reasons. The big one is that because of new "newness," I can probably only get one trip until my official vacation kicks in next year.

And I wonder if this is the best use/time of this trip or would she rather have company over the holidays or when she's moved to South Carolina (even if she re-builds, she wants to move and then come back periodically to check on the status). Keep in mind that my mom loathes to be alone over holidays and loves big Christmas family gatherings. Just like in asking for the help to go through the ash/soot, she hates to tell people what she really wants, and I can't read her mind. If I could go twice, this wouldn't even be a question.

My mom's also mentioned that once the house is bulldozed, and she's submitted all her paperwork to the insurance companies, she wants to get away and "escape." And, she wants to come to Seattle to visit, regardless of whether I go there (most likely by the end of September). When I asked her about it last night because I wanted to secure a ticket at the current promo rate, her response was merely a "Come if you want to, but I don't think I'll have anything for you to do." But, Sept. 1 is also her birthday. And, I'd get to see my friends and personally thank them for their help.

What do you think?

Btw, please don't rely upon RSS feeds to tell you if I've updated my blog, as they haven't seemed to work since I input the code to block the search engines (which is already working).

My new mantra

Courtesy of a repeat of the TV show, How I Met Your Mother, the following quote provided me with mucho giggles. Though the context was that one of the guys was trying to get the other to go lick The Liberty Bell, it still seems relevant to me for any situation.

Grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it.

Now, it's your turn. Give me a quote or movie line or a story or whatever that will make me belly laugh out loud so that my co-workers will think I've been smoking something.

WTF?

I just found out that the American Red Cross is housing (or at least did through last Friday) the family that burned down the house at the Turtle Bay Hilton on the North Shore. For those of you that are unfamiliar with this property, the rooms start at $300/night. The insurance folks that flew in to assess my mom's house couldn't even get a room because it was over-booked.

Not to mention, she showed up to my mom's house on Friday in a brand new Mustang convertible with new baby seats in the back and wearing a new wardrobe. Apparently, they've provided this assistance to them because they were in the house when it burned down...instead of just when they were roaming around on the streets. So, in other words, they're better off by burning my mom's house down?

Needless to say, I will not be making an American Red Cross donation ever again, if this is how my money's spent. I mentioned the possibility of telling the media, but my sister said that my mom didn't want to because she didn't want her name in the papers or news (it was somehow left out of most of the stories).

Now, if you haven't already, go read the post below for my final update and maybe a couple more pointers. No, I'm not just saying that to be a blog whore:)

Last fire update...and a few more pointers

I don’t want to keep posting about the fire as it’s somewhat depressing and I’m sure it gets monotonous, but there are just a couple more things that I want to share. If anything “good” can come out of it, I hope it will be that it will be that others can learn from my mom’s unfortunate circumstances. The picture I posted is what used to be the TV room and on the other side of the framing is what was called “Becky’s room” because it contained my old bedroom furniture (taken by my friend Matthew).

Just in case you didn’t think people could get any worse, the mother of the child that burned down the house, apparently showed up on the property on Friday morning and told the neighbors that she was there to “scavenge.” What she thought she might have left, I do not know. The neighbors called my mom, who then had to call the police and go down there herself to have the woman escorted off the property. My mom told her that if she ever comes to the property again, she will be arrested and Child Protective Services will be called.

The insurance is not quite as much as I thought the last time I posted, as the house policy actually includes the value of her contents rather than being in addition to. While the replacement value is accurate for the time they bought the house seven years ago, construction costs have sky rocketed in Hawaii since then. Additionally, they remodeled several rooms, and the policy amount was not updated to accommodate for both types of increases. I have to admit that I don’t know if I would’ve thought of it either, but at least it’s something for you to consider if your housing and/or construction market is booming. UPDATE: and in answer to Stephanie's fair question in the comments is that I think my mom knew that she should've updated her policy, but my step-dad usually handled those things. With his illness and subsequent passing, it just slipped her mind.

This catastrophe will cost her at least a third of what selling the house out-right would’ve given her (this is after all insurance is collected and the lot is sold). While my mom will not be destitute, she may not be able to do some of the things she had been planning, which is something that should never have to change due to someone else’s negligence.

I want to give a shout-out to my wonderful friends that helped my mom go through the muck in the house today – Mike, Matthew, Ana, Denise, Katrina and six-month pregnant Jan who brought them cold drinks. I’m not sure where my mom’s friends are, or if I just bullied mine into helping, but I’m extremely grateful to them.

They were able to find random things that survived, particularly those that were within a “real” wood piece of furniture. They found some photo albums and some pictures in a closet in that bedroom in the photo above and my mom’s passport and tax records in a filing cabinet. Apparently, my mom started to find pieces of jewelry from her bedroom (her room was the furthest point from the fire’s start), by putting a chunk of soot in a bucket and hosing it down like a gold miner. But otherwise, not much was found and they plan to demolish the house this week.

My friend Mike ran into the fire inspector on the property the day after it happened, and the inspector said that one thing that people can do to help stall the spread of fire is to close the doors as they evacuate the house. It can take up to three minutes for fire to burn through a bedroom door, which can be a huge difference if the fire department shows up in that time frame. Also, he mentioned that when a match hits a foam egg crate on a bed, you might as well have lit a can of gasoline, for they are that flammable (yes, one was on that bed that “caught” the lit match, thanks to moi).

Another thing I might throw out there for people that have to go through any type of tragedy. Don’t be afraid to ask your friends for help. Sure, it’s great to have people to go to dinner with on a Friday night, but times like these are when we really need them. And if you are the friend of someone enduring an event like this, don’t just say “let me know if you need help” and then wait for him/her to call you back. Follow up with them ask say “I’m coming over to help you comb through that crap in your house, so is tomorrow okay?” It is extremely difficult for the person to ask for the help, and the only reason my mom accepted my friends’ assistance was because I offered to set it up and make the calls. She even said “but, I’m not sure we’ll find anything so I don’t want to waste their time,” and I had to tell her, “No one’s going to care if you find anything, but they put themselves in your shoes and know how important it is to look.”

I think that one of my brothers may go out there next week for moral support, and she’s going to decide this week if I should try to go out there over Labor Day weekend. My mom’s ready to get rid of the real estate business, so she’d like my help in straightening out the books and it also happens to be her birthday on the first. I think a spa day is in order for her.

What’s really difficult with all of this is that it’s a reminder that no matter how careful you are or how well you plan, so many things are out of your hands and can change at the whim of another. There will always be people that run that red light, drive drunk or kids that will throw a lighted match. It’s kind of nerve-wracking to think that we really aren’t as much in control as we'd like to think we are.

First, I want to say thank you to everyone for your thoughts and kind words about what happened to my mom. I also want to thank all of my Hawaii friends that have offered their help in any way.

Needless to say, it's been a strange couple of days. I posted a picture that I took of the house right before I moved last Fall. It just freaked me out to see the picture in the news story when it was engulfed in flames.

My mom is holding up as best as any one could. I think she's going to get through it okay, though there will be an understandable mix of anger, sadness and frustration. Fortunately, she has some friends that are housing her and offering their help in any way possible.

One of the major updates or frustrations that I discovered is that the matches were actually left around by the parents because they smoke. I have to admit that I was suspicious when I read that the kid found the matches because my mom NEVER had matches around. We were always scrounging whenever we wanted the light the grill. So, not only did they provide the fucker that lit the match but the ammunition itself.

There's nothing left but a skelaton of the house, but she is finding some things that survived like the contents of one of her nightstands and her silver place settings. Because of wind direction, the attached laundry and storage rooms were untouched, which ironically housed my wedding silver and china.

My mom met with the insurance folks today and it sounds like she will not be quite as financially fucked as she originally thought, due to the coverage on the house itself, the contents inside and the eventual sale of the lot. She will still "fall short" of her original plan of selling the house at a certain price, not to mention the invaluable momentos that she lost like the letters, pictures and gifts from my step-dad. You also don't realize how much it will cost to replace your personal items like clothes, furniture, kitchen stuff because you acquire it over years, instead of purchasing all at once.

She's meeting with them tomorrow to determine exactly what they will pay out for the house, but then she has to meet with separate adjusters for the car and the household contents (even though they're all insured with the same company). Her options are to re-build and then try to re-sell or just take the insurance, sell the lot and go ahead with her plan to move to South Carolina. Even though she would "make" more money by re-building and recapturing some of that lost equity, I don't think it will be worth it for her to stick around. She just needs to move on, at this point, and start her new life as she had planned.

My mom hasn't heard from the idiots that were staying with her, and she has no plans to seek them out. These people have no money, so there's nothing to sue them over and it's been deemed an accident, so no criminal charges will be filed either.

I would like to point out a couple of items, though. First is that this whole incident does not mean people should not be charitable, but I think that it establishes that it's wise to draw boundaries on what you're willing to do for someone. Everyone she knew told her that it was crazy that she let this family stay with her, but she just could not tell them no, especially with the young children.

If you don't have renters insurance, get it now. If you have homeowner's or condo insurance, double-check that it's of the right value and really think about whether it's worth it to have the right coverage vs. a low premium. You can basically insure what you think your home is worth on the market, even if it's more than the literal line-item cost to re-build it. And don't forget to insure your personal contents as well. Keep in mind that even though your house may burn down, your mortgage also doesn't go away since the intention with insurance is that it will just be re-built. Most policies have interim funds built in for lodging and meals, so double-check your policy on that. I know the odds are against you, but you just never know if it will be you.

Another thing is that you should get a fire-proof box and store your important documents. Or, store your contact information online so that you can retrieve it from someone else's computer. My mom had to dash out of the house and didn't even have time to grab her purse. And since no one actually dials numbers anymore, she had to call directory assistance and only one of her four kids has a listed number.

Sometimes, my mom is so quirky. She had a root canal already scheduled, so she figured she might as well get it over with and went in today. Her tooth cracked half-way through, so they had to remove it and now she's suffering from that pain from that. But, she's trying to look on the bright side. One of her friends told her that everyone they know is calling him to ask if they can do anything, should they take up a collection, etc. And one of their friends married a woman that designs lingerie, so my mom quipped, "well, if so-and-so calls, tell her I'm out of lingerie and I'm a 38C." I told her she could be the Edie Britt of her new neighborhood.

For now, trying to remain upbeat, look on the bright side and all that other crap. Enjoy your weekend and be thankful for what you have, for I know that I'm one that often loses that perspective.

just when you think everything's okay

I know I've written posts in the past where I've been frustrated with my mom and alluded to various other things. But, I probably haven't been quite fair to explain that while she can be an evil pain in the ass, she also can go the opposite extreme and perhaps extend a kindness that is far beyond what is deserved. Unfortunately, her Good Samaritan behavior literally burned her last night around 5:30 p.m.

A few years ago, just before I moved back to Hawaii, my mom found a woman standing on her street with a baby boy. My mom started talking to her and found out that this woman, Christy, was leaving her abusive husband and was just wandering around. She was from Kentucky, so she had no other family or friends nearby (I can't remember if they're military or not). So, my mom (and extremely hesitant step-dad) allowed this woman and her baby to stay with them and my mom referred to the baby as her "Baby Jesus" since it was just before Christmas.

Christy then went back to her husband and would repeatedly show back up to my mom's house whenever she was "in the mood" to leave her husband again. Big surprise that a year later, she had yet another baby. My mom always took her in and fed them until Christy decided to go back to her husband, and eventually she finally found a way back to Kentucky.

So, a week or so ago, my mom tells me that she ran into Christy again on the North Shore, and she spoke to her for about an hour. She was back from Kentucky, and I was so annoyed with this woman that I didn't really pay attention to the details. But, I told my mom that Christy is beyond her help and she needs to just stay out of it and concentrate on selling her house and moving. It was my eerie sixth sense saying that something was just not "quite right."

Things were pretty rough after Bob died, which catapulted my mom into a despair that kind of dragged everyone down around her. It may sound selfish to say, but it's tough to describe unless you've been through or around something like this. Anyway, on this very phone call, my mom said that she felt like "she finally had her head out of her ass" and she was excited about selling her house and moving to South Carolina. She had received a nice offer on her house that would've provided her with enough money to live on for the rest of her life, and she was in escrow on her house in South Carolina.

She finalized the offer to house on Monday. Last night at around 5:30 Hawaii time, "Baby Jesus" himself apparently lit a match and threw it on to a pillow -- right in front of his mother. My mom was upstairs and by the time she got downstairs and tried to control it, it was too late. Though a very nice house, it was primarily made of wood and was engulfed in two minutes.

Everyone made it out safely, but she has lost everything of personal value, including all of her momentos of my step-dad, our baby pictures, etc. I have no idea how an accident will affect the insurance value, either, but I'm still in bewilderment as to how a mother watches her son obtain a match, light it and throw it.

I know that my mom is fortunately staying with friends, and I'll be spending most of my day trying to track her down (her cell phone was left in the house) and seeing if there's anything I can do. Here's a link to the story online. I have to admit part of me wants to e-mail the writer and explain how my mom was extending charity to this woman, too, but that might not be "news" anyway.

I have to admit that it's bizarre to see the house in flames and it still feels like a dream. I didn't grow up in that house, but have plenty of memories in it and it kind of represented my own safe haven from when I was fleeing Texas from my divorce.

I swear, we are one of those families that has a dark cloud hovering over us. Within our immediate family, I think we've endured every type of personal "issue" or problem possible (and I'm really not exaggerating with that for any pity, but just stating a fact). Just when it seems like we're all going to be okay and just plain happy, something else happens. Though I know this will set my mom back financially in her dreams, she'll be okay for the short-term in terms of survival. My bigger fear is how this is going to affect her mentally and if this will send her over the edge she's been teetering on for quite some time.

Random mutterings

In case you haven’t heard, there was a mass shooting in Seattle on Friday afternoon. The shooter was a Muslim U.S. citizen of Pakistani origin who walked into The Jewish Federation offices, made some proclamation about what’s going on in The Middle East, and began firing. One person died and four were injured. This happened about two blocks from where I park my car and four blocks from my office. Scary shit to say the least. And it's another one of those situations where he's a mentally disburbed individual where some of the warning signs are all there...in hindsight, unfortunately, because no one thinks that "this could lead to that."

Just an FYI if you’re out shopping for appliances any time soon, I just found out that apparently your manufacturer’s warranty doesn’t actually start when you purchase the appliance – but by their date of production. I called Samsung today about my over-the-range microwave and it just so happened that I called on the very last day that my warranty was valid, despite the fact that I purchased it Dec. 2005 and it had a one-year. I didn’t make a stink, since they are servicing the unit, but I did say that it’s a very misleading policy.

I often want to blog about stories from work. Not that I don't like my job, or my co-workers but people always tend to bring about something that's worth posting about. But, since you can apparently Google me with "Becky" and "Seattle," I hesitate to do so. I wish there was a way to make your page non-searchable. UPDATE: some of you have given me sources off-line, and I've put the code into my template, though it apparently only affect posts from this point on rather than preventing any old ones from turning up.

I think it’s strange when I go to visit a new blog a couple of times and don’t hear from the person whatsoever. Is that rude? Every time I get a new commenter, I try to visit their page and leave a comment or respond via e-mail. There may have been some that have fallen through the cracks, but for the most part, I think people deserve a “hello.”

Thank you so far for the two tips. The first was my swollen tongue that I posted about a couple of weeks ago. Thanks to Lori, the culprit was identified as the tartar control toothpaste. I’d only started using it the week before and the problem went away as soon as I switched. Also, Kona (so far) is not licking his bitter apple sprayed paw! I was glad to not have to try the cone b/c I don't think Kona would've been able to walk too well with his bad leg on top of it, not to mention it would cause even more idiots to slow their car down and gawk at us on the sidewalk (yes, it happens all the time). This past Sunday, I got annoyed and just stopped, stuck my hand out and said "can I help you?" and they got embarassed at being "caught" and drove way.

What's kind of interesting in Seattle compared to other places I've lived is that people are so blunt with their opinions as soon as they meet you. I'm used to not discussing hot topics like politics, religion and other social issues until you get to know the person a little better and it's still usually done in a more subtle way, rather in a tone of "if you don't agree than you're a dumbass" (though I'm not saying this makes me like Seattle any less). Is that different from where you live?