Don't judge by a blog

What I find fascinating with blogging is how I can utilize my page to keep real-life friends/family updated on what’s going on with me, and I’ve been fortunate enough to make new friends. Almost every week, I get an e-mail or two from a real-lifer that mentions they caught up with my blog, they see I’m moving soon, etc.

But, I often wonder if they think my blog doesn't seem like me, as I will be the first to admit that I definitely hold back on this page. I’m not as foul-mouthed on the blog (profanity or even suggestive topics), I usually paddle mid-stream on controversial issues, and I’m pretty mellow when it comes to commenting on others’ sites. I also don’t discuss what I feel are personal issues about my family, friends or dating life. If I ever do mention any real-lifers on a serious note, I’ve always asked their permission beforehand.

I’ve read some things on others’ sites that offend and/or piss me off or cause some other type of strong emotion to emerge, but Hot Tempered Sometimes Speaks Before She Thinks Becky rarely comes out. The backspace button and mouse-click to “submit” before something is posted allows for me to remain unusually even-tempered.

There are two reasons for this. The first is that I feel like bloggers are what I’d consider new acquaintances in that I follow the same type of protocol that I would with meeting a real-lifer. You kind of ease into the various levels of privacy or hot topics, so that you can be comfortable with releasing that portion of yourself with someone you trust. The fact the page is accessible to anyone who searches on my name prevents that type of solace. I know that I could start a completely anonymous blog for those types of topics, but I don’t need to right now.

And, in going with the theme of trying to have manners, it’s also similar to going to someone else’s house. If the host says something I find objectionable, I simply choose not to go back because it’s their right to say whatever they want in their own “house.”

The other is that I started blogging as an outlet for the stress and pain that I was going through shortly after my step-dad passed away last year. The last thing I needed at the time was to stir up controversy or create any hostilities. Almost a year later, I still want blogging to be a relaxing way to spend my time, as an escape from the crap that we all refer to as “real life.”

What I find curious, though, is how either bloggers (or new acquaintances), think that my blog represents every part of me, instead of just a portion of it. Conclusions about Becky aren't always that accurate when they are quickly drawn from one post or a line in my About Me section. Just because I don't post about sex doesn't mean I'm a prude. I can read about it, laugh, and I don't care what others say/do, but it's just not something I put out there very often, despite the fact I wouldn't hesitate with people I've known for a while.

I’ve also learned to think twice about giving someone that you’ve just met your blog URL because it gives him/her too-much-of-an insight into some details of your life. It’s kind of strange to say something, only to have the other party say “Oh yeah, I read that on your blog,” so it feels a little awkward to have what feels like a one-sided conversation.

Like many of you, I choose to reveal which facts, opinions and facets of my personality that I want, but that doesn't mean that's all there is. And I just wanted you to know that.

Where are our manners?

After a huge slack-off in seeing movies this past month, I decided that I needed to high-tail it to the theatres to see Reese Witherspoon’s Just Like Heaven (review on MBc to come later). I was aghast at the type of behavior exhibited in the theatre, from the child kicking the back of my seat (of course, I turned around and said something), a woman talking on her cell phone during the movie, another parent allowing her kids to thunder up and down the steps throughout the film.

It made me wonder where our manners have gone nowadays?

Now, I realize that there are certain things that can be disputed such as ancient wedding traditions of who pays for what and following formal protocol. But, what about things that just seem so obvious to me like opening a door for a person who has his/her arms full? Or, not thinking you’re so important as to block an intersection for the others who actually have a green light?

I often wonder if perhaps I have a different expectation of manners because of the way I was raised, and even more so, by a Southern mama (please imagine my fake southern drawl there). I noticed this in particular when I was in New York where people bump into you without excusing themselves, they don’t make eye contact, God forbid someone just says “hi” to a stranger, and people constantly interrupt each other.

I noticed at one point on the subway that out of the 20 people standing on the train, I was the only woman. I mentioned something to my friend Brook about it, and she said that it probably would’ve been the same thing in Seattle. I explained that after having lived in Texas for 10 years, I guess I just got used to the idea of that type of chivalry. Now, I was not offended that I wasn’t asked if I wanted to sit, but it was more of a surprise and observation on the difference in the way things are done, even in the same country.

Are there any standards on what is considered rude anymore? Is there a difference between rudeness and being inconsiderate?

I’m going to start a small list of things I think are bad manners and you can tell me if I’m smoking crack or feel free to add to it:

1. People I barely know who ask me how much I’ll make on selling my place
2. People who cut in long lines
3. When I’m in a store trying to get assistance, and the clerk “shushes” me so they can help the person on the phone
4. People who tell me how they think I should spend my money
5. People who ask me my bra size

Everyone should have to sleep in their own beds

Some of you may have heard the story about Kate Moss getting caught on camera snorting five lines of cocaine. What intrigued me is that the various brands with which she had modeling contracts have started to drop her, including Burberry and Chanel. A similar incident happened with the “Dell dude,” who was fired from his contract for being caught with marijuana at airport security.

My former life was marketing/advertising, albeit with a much lesser known brand, but I can understand the inclination to distance a company’s image with something so controversial. The public associates a company’s image with that of who their spokesperson is. If a representative of the company is caught doing an illegal activity, then to ignore it is essentially condoning it.

In reading some of the articles and even various Letters to the Editors, some say that it’s not fair for Ms. Moss to get fired because “everyone knows” that drug abuse comes with the territory and is practically a requirement to maintain such a scrawny figure. Others also pointed out that if the fashion industry had such a problem with drug use, then why did they only wait until she got caught?

I find it hard to believe that no one was really aware of Ms. Moss’ habits prior to the photograph, given the industry’s apparent norms, her rail-thin figure and the fact that an addiction like that can’t go unnoticed, even at a photo shoot. If the companies that dropped her honestly had a concern with Ms. Moss’ habit, then they would’ve fired her long ago and not just because she got caught on-camera.

However, I cannot blame them for protecting their bottom line against a drop in sales for continuing to use her. The public has a right to voice their opinion through their purchases, and neither they nor the companies owe Ms. Moss anything. She took the chance; she made her own choices.

I’m not done yet.

I’m aggravated how celebrities are excused for the same behavior for which the average person would be jailed. But suddenly because it’s a famous supermodel, some even try to justify it (not to mention that she has a daughter)? Though someone pointed out “it’s not like she was doing it in the public on a runway,” it doesn’t matter. She chose to do it in a venue that was obviously not private, and now she must reap the consequences of her choices -- the same as anyone else.

Would you have taken the same risk to earn a net worth of $55 million?

You embarrass me. You embarrass yourself*

This past weekend, I was finally able to see a widely praised movie called Crash that came out earlier this year. My mom even received one of those generic e-mails from Oprah.com encouraging people to see the movie, since the show itself was on hiatus for the summer.

In case you’ve seen the previews, the movie is not like any other standard police/detective type of film in that it features several interlocking stories that all illustrate how no one is really innocent of and from racism. As Sandra Bullock said on the DVD extras, the movie shows how “we’re not safe from others’ prejudices and we’re not safe from our own.” Some of it’s subtle, like her character grabbing her husband’s arm when she sees two young black males walking toward them, but most of it’s pretty blatant.

What’s unnerving is that you realize that some of your nastiest thoughts are right there on the screen – you know, the kind you might have when you’re really angry and someone else caused it. Oftentimes, the race thing is the first thing that comes to mind because it's, well, easy. Maybe we never actually say those things out loud, but to see it in the movie is a reminder that perhaps we aren’t as politically correct as we may think we are.

Interestingly, the movie boldly asserted that no person is completely resistent of the potential to say/do something racist, despite the fact that he/she may have just been a target of someone else’s antics. Matt Dillon’s character said something nasty to an African-American female, and when she was rear-ended at an intersection, she told the Asian female driver to “not speak to me unless you’re speaking American.”

This may be a little controversial, but another unusual aspect about this movie is that, for once, it showed that white people aren’t the only group that can be racist, as so much of our media likes to imply. Being in the minority here in Hawaii, I've had my fair share of experiences, along with others I know who've actually had ones that were even worse (though I must clarify that there are far more nice, friendly people here, as with any locale).

My point, as the movie also made, is that we are all the same on the inside and have the capability of being both good and evil. What is particularly frightening – and why this movie hits you to the core -- is that most of us, at some point, have had the desire to give in and take that dark road. And that’s okay if you'll admit it or not; just watch this movie and you’ll at least see what I mean.

*as quoted in the movie

The Big Apple

EDITOR'S NOTE: I decided to do one long post and leave it up for a couple of days, instead of many smaller ones, so feel free to come back if it's too much at once.

One of the last things my mom said to me when she dropped me off at the airport last Wed. night was "I bet you change your mind and decide to move to NYC instead of Seattle." We shall see.

I took this picture while walking around Central Park on Saturday afternoon with Lori and thought it was one of the more peaceful images that we rarely see of NYC. This unique combination of high rises in the background and a wide open green park is why I'm sure many are drawn to this city.

I have to admit that I wasn't really prepared for how hot it was going to be, for my trip last Fall was in November and the temp was in the 50s most of the time. This past week, the mid-to-high 80s, so it felt like Hawaii, but without the reprieve of the tropical breezes.

I'm not sure how many of you have been to NYC, but Manhattan is divided up into distinct neighborhoods. I was on the lower end of it, at the border of Little Italy and the Lower East Side. Last Fall, my mom and I stayed up in Midtown, about two blocks from Times Square. Though Midtown was much more convenient to stores and restaurants, it was also much noisier, esp. at night.

I was three blocks from Katz Deli, which was featured in When Harry Met Sally when Sally did her infamous fake orgasm. The sign says that's where Meg Ryan sat for the scene and "hope you're having what she's having."

On Thursday, Joel (the man with the secret blog) was kind enough to come into the city and treat me to a dinner in Little Italy at a restaurant called Pellegrino. The food was excellent, and I had something new called a vodka sauce, which is red/white mixed together. So, thanks Joel!

On Friday morning, Wes came up early and we met up via cell phone around the closest subway stop (btw, I think I've become pretty good at that system).

The first thing he said to me was "I thought you'd be a lot taller." I'm still not quite understanding why I come off as some type of an Amazon, when I have said all along I'm just shy of 5'8".

Anyway, we went for a medicore meal in Chinatown, and after, he browsed through Asian films on DVD. I had to point out exactly where I saw U2 last year and then I got a phone call that Lori was coming in earlier.

On our way to Penn Station to meet Lori, we stopped by the World Trade Center site (I figured Sunday would be crazy on the anniversary). The pic above was taken from the viewing platform, and based upon the map, the towers were on the opposite corner of that lot. What was jarring was coming up out of the subway right into the middle of the ground-level of the site. Not much has been done to the site since last November, and I heard that there's a lot of dispute as to what should go in the place or if it should be left as is.

The signs you see above provide pictures and the timeline for events on 9/11. If you are ever in NYC, this should be your top priority to pay your respect to those who died on that day. It is as moving, if not more so, than going to the Arizona Memorial, here in Hawaii.

Friday night was the Big Event in terms of meeting up with the bloggers. Lori, Wes, and I had a mini-slumber party in my room on Friday, so we went up together on the subway. Here's our picture taken after dinner with me, Lori, Sarah, Wes and Joel (with The Anonymous Blogger taking it, of course). I had a really good time meeting up with everyone, and it goes to show that no matter what you blog about, pieces of your personality will some come through. I have yet to be surprised by meeting a blogger in-person, and that's a good thing. I think I did jar TAB a little bit at first when I mentioned something about what he doesn't like to do, he paused as if to wonder if I was a stalker, and then said "oh yeah, I guess you read that on the blog."

After dinner, Sarah bid adieu as she was leaving for India the next day, and we made our way to Greenwich Village for the next round. Lori and I insisted that we go by Magnolia Bakery for the cupcakes featured in Sex and the City. While Joel and TAB waited in a nearby park (and blogged from wifi feeds, of course), Wes treated Lori and I to these desserts. My review is that they are just okay. The frosting was a bit rich for me and the cake was a little dry. We then hit an English pub called The Slaughtered Lamb, and then split up around 1 a.m. I was surprised to see how crowded it was on the streets, even at that time.

My most memorable part from that night is when we walked by some people smoking a joint on the street, and then started talking about where it's legal to do so. I mentioned Amsterdam, only to have TAB turn around and say "I threw up in Amsterdam." I couldn't stop laughing because it was so like the random statements on his blog.

This is Lori and Wes at Madison Park eating the most delicious hamburger from that building you see in the background called The Shake Shack. This particular day had my most memorable moment between these two. Lori and Wes riffed off each other pretty well over the course of the two days we spent together, even discussing Christian existentialism on the way to dinner the previous evening.

Here's what cracked my ass up:

Lori: I just gave a bird a french fry in case you see it flying away with it.
Wes: You better be careful with that or it might make them shit on you.
We laugh
Wes: You know, I was once shit on three times in one week. By birds.
Lori: Thanks for clarifying that. That it was birds.

Lori and I gussied up to go see The Phantom of the Opera on Saturday night. I saw this last Fall, and when Lori said she wanted to see it, I jumped on the chance to see it again, for it was -- and still is -- fabulous. The current Phantom sounds just like Michael Crawford and is my favorite Broadway show I've seen so far (I've seen many of the famous musicals via national tour). We went out to eat after the show in Times Square and was, again, shocked by how many people were out at 12:30 a.m. as if it were 5 p.m.

Oh yeah, we went to get a snack before the show near my hotel, and we wound up sitting next to Mena Suvari from American Beauty and American Pie. She looked exactly the same, and is so skinny that you could see her collar bone sticking out. I was quite amused at the end of the meal when she and her girlfriends did the usual check-splitting and trying to figure out who owed what.

I said good-bye to Lori on Sunday and then impulsively hopped up to the famous Madame Tassaud's Wax Museum. This was one of my favorite ones -- of Julia Roberts, of course. This was fun to see, but I don't think it was worth the $30 ticket to get in. They did have a lot of historical figures, sports legends, and even a horror section. The cool thing was that all the visitors were posing with the figures, but since I was by myself, this will have to suffice. No biggie.



I then had to rush home and get ready for the wedding of my friend Nate' (na-tay) to her husband, Hal -- which was the entire point of the trip. I've known Nate' since 1981 when we were next-door neighbors in Hawaii, and we've kept in touch ever since. I wish I didn't have our pictures in storage, for it's odd that neither one of our faces have changed much ever since we met. I was also able to catch up with her parents, who also said they recognized me as soon as I walked into the room.

They opted for a small wedding/reception and had both at this fine dining restaurant called One if By Land, Two if By Sea, which was absolutely fabulous. The food was delicious and it has that nice, quiet, dark romantic atmosphere. The name of the restaurant comes from the fact that Paul Revere supposedly stayed there when it was an inn back in the 1770s. Hal and Nate' are honeymooning here in Hawaii, so I'm anxious to catch up with them one-on-one sometime this week.

I actually took this shot on Saturday afternoon, but it does segue into Monday nicely. It is the front of Carrie's building that was featured in Sex and the City in Greenwich Village (despite the fact she said she lived on the Upper East Side on the show). If I had all the money in the world and was going to live in NYC, this is the area that I liked most, but on the side streets away from the action.

On Monday, I hung out with a real-life friend, Mike, who was in town. We first went to The Met, only to discover it was closed on Mondays, so we then went to the Museum of Modern Art, which was interesting (and ironically, cheaper than Madame Tassaud's). While I could appreciate much of what was in there, I had a harder time with sculptures such as a pink flourescent bulb in a light fixture as a "work of art." That's a debate for another post, but I was glad we went.

Afterward, we went to Serendipity (yes, as featured in the John Cuzack movie) for some famous frozen hot chocolate, which was better than I thought it would be. And if you ever want to go, try for about 3 p.m. on a Monday in September, for it was dead compared to going last November when it was a two-hour wait the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

We walked around a lot (Hell, that's the only way to eat out all the time and not gain 100 lbs) and then decided to go to Greenwich Village for dinner. Once we were in the middle of it, I realized that I was turned around and we had to get back to Bleeker Street. So, I stopped this woman who was walking her dog and asked her if she could tell me where it was. As she was talking to me, I realized how familiar she looked/sounded and -- I shit you not -- it was Liv Tyler from The Lord of the Rings movies (and others, I know). As she walked away, I exclaimed "oh" like a dumbass, and she turned around, and then I said "oh, nevermind, thank you for your help."

Tuesday, I slept in very late, met Mike for a lunch and then said good-bye. I went up to the Theatre District to see what ticket I could get for a show that night and wound up finding one in seventh row center for Wicked, which is the backstory of the two witches from The Wizard of Oz. I met my aunt for dinner nearby and then raced to the show. I have to admit that I liked it, but didn't love it. I enjoyed Phantom much more, though I do realize that it's all subjective and a matter of personal taste.

Probably the only regret is that I didn't have any more time with Sarah or TAB, as I did with the others, for I felt like I got to know the other three much more one-on-one. Group dynamics are always different, particularly when everyone else is ending their work week on a Friday night.

All in all, I had a great time in New York and it will continue to be one of my favorite cities, and I'll probably come back to visit often. However, I don't have any desire to move there, unless I'm rich because it's just so expensive (I ordered a Diet Coke in Midtown and it was $4.34 for 8 oz). I also feel somewhat like a fish-out-of-water with the culture in that it's so fast-paced, and most of the Southern ways I grew up with are a foreign concept there. As I said on Wes' site, Seattle feels like the hybrid of a city like New York combined with the laid-back attitude of Hawaii, and is a better fit for me -- right now.

Thanks to everyone for not forgetting about me, with my craziness the past couple of weeks. I will be catching up on your blogs over the next couple of days.

Predicting the future

I just came rushing in at 8 p.m., having been out since 8 a.m. and have to get ready to pack for my trip tomorrow, and lo' and behold, I see in my e-mail comments that I got selected for Michele's Site of the Day. What a nice surprise, so I say welcome to the new peeps, though the wedding post she mentioned is below. Unfortunately, because of my travels, it make take a few days to reciprocate a visit. And I apologize profusely to my blogroll for slacking on you, too.


The regularly scheduled post for today:

I was walking around the International Marketplace with my temporary roommate, Danitza, and we happened upon The Enchanted Banyan, which offers psychic readings from a nook inside a banyan tree. While I don’t give much stock to things like this, horoscopes and what not, I couldn’t help but wonder what in the world this one might say, so I indulged.

This one claimed to be clairvoyant in that she holds a crystal and thinks about stuff, instead of flipping tarot cards or reading palms. All I wrote down for her was my first and last name. She asked me what I wanted to know about and I told her to just “go with whatever came up.”

The first thing she said to me was that she could tell that I’m trying to do something big right now, and I keep getting interrupted, which prevents me from being able to move on to what I want I really want to do. I told her that was pretty accurate (things with my mom/the real estate business and trying to move), and told her I was going to move “at some point.” She then said it would be in October or November, right? Okay, not bad.

She asked where I was going and I said Seattle and she did her concentration/eyes-roll-back-in-her-head thing, and then said that she sees that it will be a very good move for me. I will probably take a good four months to transition and feel comfortable, but after that, it will be smooth sailing. She sees me having a fun social life and making lots of friends fairly easily, and said not to let myself get hung up over individuals I may not feel comfortable with – just to go with those that I feel a connection to.

She also said that I’m going to be surprised with how happy I’m going to be, like I’m going to keep waiting for something to go wrong and explode. Her analogy was that I’m going keep opening Pandora’s Box, only nothing will be inside. From a job perspective, I did tell her the two options I’m considering/hoping for, which were marketing or project management/analyst work. She basically said that marketing will be more stable and I’ll probably make more from it, but I’d probably have more achievement satisfaction with the other work. Overall, she thinks either choice would work out for me.

From a relationship standpoint, this was interesting because she really didn’t have much to work with in this department. She asked me what I wanted to know and I responded with: "Well, what have you got?" She said that I will probably “cast aside” anyone who comes up in Sept. or October because of all the things I have going on. However, in January, someone will basically “come after me,” but I will be skeptical for a while, but he will persist that he is the right person for me, and it will take about three months before I acquiesce and give in to it. I asked her if it’s someone new from Seattle or someone I will have already known at the time, and she said was the latter.

Interestingly, she knew of a health issue (and the area of the body) that I had to deal with and is now in the monitoring phase. She said I should be over it, and she sees me having a fairly healthy life. Another thing that came up is that she saw me as an older woman in between two groups of young children of various races and uniting them. She wasn’t sure exactly what that meant except that she sees me living a long and happy life, and admitted that the catalyst of this good fortune will happen when I make the move this Fall.

Again, I’m not sure of what to make of all this, and know there are many out there who listen to this stuff and there are just as many skeptics. Danitza went after me and didn’t have that whole “healthy, happy full life” feedback, and hers was pretty accurate in many ways that aren’t my place to share. But, I’m curious to hear if any others have had readings that have become true?

Many times a bridesmaid; now a bride

Whew...the weekend of the wedding is over and I'm finally catching up on my sleep. I know you've all been anxiously awaiting this big reveal of the orange bridesmaid's dress. I have to admit that I think they look better in-person, and we had a lot of compliments on them. If you can believe it, Brook made all of the dresses, her own dress and the flower girls' dresses.



These pictures were taken with my digital camera, so that's why everyone's kind of looking in different directions. I swear, there were about a dozen digital cams pointed at us in addition to the photographer. The leis the men are wearing are called ti (prounounced "tea") leaf leis and are quite popular with weddings, proms and other formal occasions. Brook gave the guys a reprieve in the heat and they wore white linen shirts.


This is how you get married in Hawaii. Is that cool or what? Brook's grandmother crocheted 150 leis for the guests to receive as they arrived.











This is Danitza (da-neet-za) and me at the end of the ceremony. She stayed with me the past couple of days, and was a good sport with my dogs totally whoring her every chance they could get (though can you blame them?). Danitza made the bridesmaids' bouquets up above (Brook, the young non-criminal Martha Stewart incarnate, made her own). It was kind of funny b/c the rehearsal dinner was changed to a daytime BBQ at the beach for everyone, so one of the groomsmen said to me the next day "wow, you guys sure can clean up."

Check this out with the bouquet toss. You can kind of tell there are about 15 - 20 girls out there, right? And you can see that someone is actually catching the bouquet, right? Now look below at the difference.









Uh yeah...there are about five guys for the garter toss, and then let the damn thing drop right in front of them. Men and their commitment issues....










The wedding was a lot of fun, and the dance floor was usually full until it started to downpour. The facility folks handed out panchos and we kept trying to dance, but the DJ said he couldn't continue for safety reasons, though it stopped shortly thereafter. Here's a picture of my drinking buddy, Mike, and I with our panchos over our wedding attire completely drenched underneath. Mike's a good guy and always came back with a drink for me, though we're still trying to figure out how five drinks hardly buzzed us (and we watched them pour the shot into the mixture).

Brook's husband (that's so weird to type) hired a school bus to take the guests from Waikiki to the wedding, to the reception and back to Waikiki so no one had to worry about drinking and driving. Danitza and I took Mike back to Waikiki and we joined some of the others in a country western bar, then went to Denny's for dinner/breakfast and finally rolled in around 2:30 a.m., barely able to keep our eyes open.

We all had a great time, and it helped that we had a big crowd of people in the same age range, since so many of their friends had flown in from various parts of the country. Everyone was so nice, so it was pretty easy to turn this into an on-going get-together in Waikiki.

I think the sign that you know a couple is a great match is when you know that you will become as good of a friend with their spouse as you are with them. They are also a testament that sometimes doing something crazy like one person moving for the other can actually work out. So, congratulations to Brook and her husband who I will refer to as Kirk (yes, as in Captain) for this blog!

I cannot believe that I'll be on an airplane in 48 hours heading for NYC...