It finally comes around

You know how we sometimes think that we may be going through a rough patch in our lives, that nothing seems to be going right and then we remember that friend that always seems have it worse and puts it all into perspective?

Meet my friend Alex. We took this picture sitting on a bunch of old lava on the Big Island just before our 10-year-reunion in 2002. We actually went over there in order for her to return sand that she’d taken 10 years earlier in order to remove what she felt was the curse of Pele. There’s a legend in Hawaii that if you take any lava rock from the Big Island, then you will have bad luck until it is returned (her sand was from pulverized lava). We have been friends a long time, going all the way back to the summer of 1988 just before we started high school.

If people ever think I’m blunt, Alex beats me to the punch. As time goes on, you realize that Alex only means well and is just the one person who will say out loud what everyone else is actually thinking. There are definitely times when it’s wiser to hold one’s tongue, but you eventually also appreciate the fact that there’s at least one person that you know will give you a straight answer when you need it, instead of telling you what you might want to hear.

Alex’s family was the first one that I ever knew to use the f-bomb to each other. In the army officer corp, this was virtually unheard of and somewhat akin to breaking rules of 18th century “society” in that family issues usually stayed behind closed doors. Whenever we went to Alex’s house, she had to enter first and scream out “I’m home with friends, is anyone naked,” for nudity was their norm, even when doing household chores.

Alex’s dad suffered from what I can best describe as “asshole-itis” in that he would swear and berate their mother in front of us, even though we were only 14 years old. The mom would toss it back, though she rarely initiated it. It’s kind of hard to describe in a brief manner, but let’s just say that none of us were envious of her home life.

Alex’s family moved to San Antonio the summer after we graduated from high school. During her sophomore year of college, she went back to Hawaii for a year for an exchange program. Unfortunately, she had to go back home, for her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, and later, we found out she also had brain cancer. Alex has a sister two years younger than us that is mentally retarded, so she has frequently pitched in to help with care.

Her mother recovered, and even though she seemed a little spacey before, she didn’t seem quite right after. I moved down to San Antonio to be with my now-ex-husband, (I’d met him through Alex), and I stayed with them for a few days, and her mom offered to make me breakfast. She’d forgotten how much she’d cooked for me, and literally gave me over 10 scrambled eggs in several batches. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I was full and tired of food, so I ate them all.

A few years later in November of 2001, Alex called to tell me that her mom had unexpectedly died while visiting relatives in Pennsylvania. Apparently, she actually passed away on the floor next to her sister (who never woke up) while dialing 9-1-1. Everyone knew what was going to happen, that Alex was going to take primary care of her sister, Tara. Sure enough, her dad was dating someone two months later and married the woman barely one year after her mom’s passing without much concern as to what happened with Tara.

Last time I visited Alex was May 2003 for her younger brother’s wedding, when I bunked at the house she was renting with Tara. She was in the process of building a new cookie-cutter home for the two of them, and was even going to give the master suite to Tara. We spoke frankly about how difficult it is for her to date, and how it might take a while for her to find someone that would be willing to take Tara as part of her overall package.

I haven’t even had the time to go into how great of a friend she has been and continues to be, but I wanted to share this one example of karma coming back to someone who had given so much of herself for others. Alex started dating Chad a couple months after my visit, and amazingly, he was not deterred with the prospect of Tara and her care.

Things have gone well, and I’m leaving tomorrow morning to go to Alex’s wedding in Las Vegas. Words cannot express how excited I am for her, and even though I admit that I’m not always the most emotional person in the world, my eyes are tearing up even as I type this. I can’t wait to see her and I’m looking forward to meeting the man that has made my friend so happy.

I also look forward to visiting with my brother, Patrick, so I will see you on the flip side after I return on Wednesday.

Please go on over and wish Dawn (aka Webmiztris) a HAPPY 30th BIRTHDAY! Her direct writing style and observations continually crack me up and actually remind me of Alex, and she is one of my favorite reads. I will forewarn that it's a more adult-oriented site, in case you're at work or have kids standing behind you that can read.