i don't like being a fool

It seems like summer tends to bring about posts of remembering childhood and things we used to do. I think that a lot of it comes from that desire to lose our inhibitions and be completely free again. Not worry about how people think. Not worry about how we’ll look. The time before, you know, manners and social decorum kicked in.

I’m currently taking a non-credit acting class through a community college here. I used to be in plays through high school, but I didn’t think I had enough talent to warrant pursuing it. I’m primarily taking it for fun, to meet people, and see if I might be decent enough to try for something small with community theatre.

One of the key points that the instructor keeps making is that in order to really “go for it” on stage, you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You have to trust the other actors and the audience. You can’t worry about what others think or how you’ll look; you must become the character. You have to let people see your pain, your anger, and your love – despite the fact we go through life hiding these emotions.

So, many of our exercises through the first three weeks have been efforts to break down some of those walls and build up trust. Last week, we had to speak in gibberish for a short while; this week, we had to act like a fool for a minute. And, I’ll be the first to admit that I have the hardest time with these tasks compared to my classmates. My earth-shattering fool activity tonight involved me falling down over and over. Creative, huh? Would either activity have been difficult for you?

Though I know that I do have fairly reserved behavior in public (and especially around new people), I never quite realized the kinds of barriers that I have up. If you’d told me a month ago that I would have a hard time being a dork for a minute or allowing myself to be blind-folded and “passed” around a bunch of strangers, I wouldn’t have believed you.

It’s not like I always care what other people think, but for some reason, in this instance, I do. And though I honestly think that once I pick up a script, I’ll do just as well as any of the others (the other tactic is to channel in your own personal drama), I still can’t help but wish that I could be that free-wheeling, Kool-Aid mouthed, pig-tail wearing kid again.

Don't you?

(Now, don't be a smart ass and say that you don't want to be a free-wheeling, Kool-Aid mouthed, pig-tail wearing type of kid).