Formulas for success

I know that I talk about movies a lot, and I honestly can’t help myself. One thing that I’ve noticed is that I do seem to figure out some of the “formulas” fairly quickly in a film, which causes me to not be as surprised with the plot as much as the general population (clever bloggers excluded, of course).

I don’t know if this will spoil it for some of you, but I thought it might be fun to make a list of more obvious tricks that we can always seem to get from good ‘ole Hollywood. You’d think with budgets of $50+ million, there might actually be some originality.

Somewhat well known actors, even on the B List, do not do small roles for nothing. If you recognize the guy playing the rather unimportant neighbor, then chances are that he’s the villain our main character is trying to uncover.

Don’t most people watch a preview of a film before deciding to see it? I can guarantee that what happens in the preview, will happen in the film. Seems obvious, doesn’t it? I’m always amazed at how people seem so “surprised” at something that was fairly dominant in the preview.

If a couple gets together in the film and they are really happy and you’re only one hour into it, one of them will usually die before the end.

If the movie starts with a present day scenario and then uses flashback sequences to tell the story and one of the main parties wasn’t in the beginning, chances are that person died in the flashback or married someone else. Think Titanic. If Rose had married Jack, then the granddaughter would’ve known Nana was part of one of the biggest news events in history from the get-go.

If the camera awkwardly focuses on a random actor in the film that really plays no significant part up to that point, he/she is the murderer. Hunt for Red October basically gave away the chef with that tactic.

If a bunch of men are fighting, and there’s only one woman present, it doesn’t matter if she’s a flight attendant, executive, prostitute, or a midget, she will suddenly be able to master weaponry by either wielding a massive sword or firing a gun accurately (and without any recoil).

Rarely is the first suspect the correct one, esp. if it's revealed only 30 minutes into a two-hour film.

Fiancés or girlfriends brought home to meet the family won’t be liked.

No matter how stressful a situation may be, like a natural disaster, gunfight or being chased, there’s always time to declare one’s newfound love for his/her partner – and at least one kiss with tongue action.

If one member of a couple freakishly dies and there’s a single friend or relative around, there’s the next hook-up (and probably the cause of the person’s death in the first place).

Couple friends introduced fairly early in the film that spend a lot of time together mean that there’s at least one affair going on.

When ugly duckling women are made over and the hot guy suddenly notices her, it doesn’t matter that he was a superficial shit the day before. Are there any movies where the guy is made over?

Other obvious villain traits: the one English guy in a group of Americans, creepy facial hair, greasy/slicked back black hair, open shirt with hairy chest/ gold medallion. And if there's a politician, diplomat or royalty as a victim of crime or betrayal, it's his/her #1 assistant.

Okay, I better stop and toss it over to you.