Friday night at the O.C.

I must admit that I love the Olympics, both summer and winter. I guess I get all wrapped up in what the competition means and what it’s like to represent your country against all other athletes in the world. However, the snarkiness in me still can’t subside this week, and I must share some of my observances from the Opening Ceremonies.

Newscaster Mary Carillo wisely observing that the moon and sun-themed hot air balloons sailing about the stadium were...“not only a salute to art in Italy, but a salute to movement in all forms.” Does that include the bowel, too, Mary?

Bob Costas harshly pointing out that “Most of the athletes here really have no chance at winning a medal.”

As these roller bladders strangely burst into the middle of the ballet-like dancers prancing about the stadium, Costas knowingly explains that they are “sparks of passion,” as if he would have a clue, if he didn’t get it off the memo.

The homage to The Alps in a freaky Poltergeist-clown-like way, including dancing couples with white/black spotted cow-themed outfits with people pulling ceramic cows on wheels around combined with the country sign-holders wearing dresses whose bottoms were literally carved into the shape of mountains.

Though I could understand the need to translate the names of the countries when they sounded different, but was it necessary to repeat it when it sounds exactly the same?

How many times did we have to see shots of that redheaded snowboarder that has been gaggily nicknamed “The Flying Tomato?”

The women that carried in the Olympic flag represented all of the continents included former Olympians, a Nobel Peace prizewinner, and our representative for all of North America is… Susan Sarandon? Is she really one of our continent’s most accomplished women?

I like how they feel the need to caption who Michelle Kwan is, as if there’s an American watching NBC that doesn’t know by now and going so far as to voicing over “Michelle Kwan observing the opening ceremonies” as if we couldn't tell.

It was also strange to include that in the article announcing the U.S. flag-holder for the ceremony, Chris Witty, that, “She is no longer burdened, however, by the 20-year-old secret that she was sexually abused as a child.” If that’s not a classic turd in a punchbowl conversation-stopper, I don’t know what is. Is that something the general public really needs to know?