The best Christmas present EVER

I'm back from Arizona and Christmas went fairly smoothly, with the exception of Reese puking and shitting in his kennel on the way back (though he was down below, so it didn't stink up the cabin).

To segue into my topic for the day: orifices on either end, I must first provide a backstory. My unfortunate sibling nickname growing up was the name Rooney. It originated from a friend of mine using the word to mean "gross," so my brother P at his ripe age of about nine or so decided that his oldest sister was, indeed, gross, so Rooney was born. My sister, R, somehow turned it into Roon Dog throughout the years, and has even encouraged her kids to call me that.

Lovely.

So, for Christmas, I thought I'd get her back. Her nickname is Chewy, short for Chewbacca because her hair looks like Chewy's (seriously, it does). I saw this Chewbacca lollipop swirlers and gave one to each of her kids with a note that said "remember your mother when you use this and that revenge is always sweet" (yes, pun intended).

However, my sister actually outdid me and I'm still deciding whether to be disappointed in myself or proud of her. One of my particular quirks that is renowned among my family is that I take special care to use one end of my towel for my face and the other end to dry off The Holy Grail. I keep up with this by where the tag is positioned on the towel or the print on the towel. It's not that difficult, but what puzzles me is why this is so unusual. Even though I've just cleaned myself, it's still, after all my ass among other places I don't normally put my own face.

Here is one of my presents from my sister for Christmas, and it also came with a "face/butt" bar of soap. Do you like how the "butt" end is brown? And yes, that's me sans the make-up and hair. Stop drooling. It makes me blush.

Message to my sister: game on for next year.