Big buts can lie

I’m sure we’ve all heard the phrase in movies, books, friends’ stories or perhaps even our own: “BUT, I love you...”

I’ve always wondered if that’s possible when one party can do something that is absolutely horrible to the other. In other words, if one really loves their spouse, can they cheat on him/her? If a parent really loves their child, can they physically or verbally abuse him/her? Or, is that the sign that love is not there in the first place? I know it might be hard for some to comprehend that a parent could not love their own child, but perhaps that alone would be your answer to this question.

One time, someone I was with for a while said “you are my greatest success, and at the same time, my greatest failure.” I told him that I just didn’t understand that statement because if he felt as strongly as he says he did, then why did he act indifferently when we were together (we were already planning to break up when he was scheduled to move). He said he didn’t know why, and that he will probably be kicking his own ass for the rest of his life because I’ve told him that he already had his chance.

Now, I realize that in my case, it was the opposite extreme of the actions that I described above, but I guess I always have difficulty with people who declare their feelings as some type of a pardon their actions or, conversely, their lack of any. As if that’s good enough when their behavior indicates otherwise. And I feel like I should clarify in that I’m specifically referring to repeated occurrences or something so heinous that it could only happen once.

I freely admit that I’m an “actions speak louder than words” kind of person. In a post on the Five Languages of Love I did a while back, I’m an Acts of Service person, and therefore, realize that greatly affects my outlook on this issue. So, in order to sincerely understand, please explain to me if this is possible – can one have legitimate feelings when their actions seem to contradict it?