An average perspective

You know when a couple breaks up; you often wonder how they got together in the first place? How could he or she have made that “mistake,” and especially one that took that long to figure out? How could "he/she have been so dumb not to have realized...?" In many cases, it’s easier said than done. It happens quicker than you realize it. I thought it might be time to share my story; it’s not that original, I know, but sometimes it needs to be written down in order to realize things aren't always that simple.

I would consider myself one of those female enigmas and always have been. I pay a lot for my hair style/coloring; yet, I think a baseball cap is probably the world’s greatest hair accessory on a lazy day. I try to match my purse to my shoes, but I can carry heavier things than most women. I’m smart, but no genius. I can talk mortgages, investments and debts but sometimes I'd rather just watch Sex and the City. I’m more out-spoken than most men or women, but really shy at first.

But most importantly, on initial physical impressions, I’ve always been the Average Jane in a group of pretty friends. Guys gave me their attention in order to find out more about my friends. I don’t say that to garner rally cries from real-lifers, but after 31 years, it is my reality. No one has the time to explore personalities and even those who can have five-hour conversations with me still want to keep it platonic, which is not to say that I’m bitter; it’s merely to give you some background.

So, imagine when someone who’s usually overlooked in favor of everything that she is not suddenly meets someone whom she finds attractive, and he actually seems to like her back – and isn’t afraid to show it. No mind games, no “what does he really mean by that?” It’s hard to not be flattered by it, to ignore it, not want it. It was such a change from this feeling of having to prove my worthiness to someone who genuinely seemed to appreciate the whole package. For once, someone wanted to sweep me off my feet, instead of watching it happen to my friends.

Now, at this point, wouldn’t a cynic start to question the person’s motives? Is he “for real” or is there something wrong with him? But, aren’t we supposed to give the person the benefit of the doubt? Besides, I know I have a lot to offer, so why should I question that someone else finally sees it too?

This person actually seems to want to be with me, and what’s so wrong with that? Hmmm…okay, so after a while he did this. One time, well, if I spazzed out about that, then I’d be a neurotic woman, right? So I’ll just let it go. Everything’s okay for a while. What? Now, where did that behavior come from? Oh right, you’re sad because your grandmother’s dying and you were closer to her than your own mother. I’d be a bitch not to let you get through this and grieve because things will eventually go back to the way they were. Okay, now it’s been a while since her death, and even though it sucks, I don't think it can excuse this particular action. I’m trying to figure out if the way he behaved the first year is his normal personality or is it this Mr. Hyde I seem to have now? Craaaaaaaaaaap, who is this person before me, and what happened to the one I met four years ago?

I didn’t quite have the spy-die sense about me now that I did back then, but unfortunately, I could’ve gotten it otherwise. I think a lot it had to do with the fact that I was so happy for the first time in a long time and I didn’t want to question it – and more importantly, didn’t think that I should have to.

The regrettable thing is that in order not to become the “dumb woman who continually picks the wrong guys,” I will probably never allow myself to be swept off my feet again. I don’t to be blinded again and miss those cues that, in hindsight, were probably there all along. The next person, however sincere they may be, will have a much tougher gauntlet to get through because I now know what I have to look for, what questions to ask, what to find out before I can ever feel truly comfortable.

I realize that many still view a situation like this as a failure on my part -- that I screwed up – and maybe I did, but at the very least, I know that, for a short period of time, this Average Jane had her fairy tale. And that has meant everything.