Ducks in a row

I was a little leery of seeing A Lot Like Love today because I wasn’t sure if I could tolerate Ashton Kutcher, but I was in the mood for this particular type of story today, and it was, once again, one of those movies with a message that particularly resonated (actual review posted later). In the event you haven’t seen the preview, the premise is that these two met on an airplane one day from L.A. to New York and hit it off after spending a day walking around NYC together.

Though Emily initially told Oliver that she really didn’t see anything going beyond their brief encounter, Oliver responds that he isn’t ready for a relationship because he doesn’t have his job, car and house. Furthermore, it was going to take seven years to achieve said goals, and after that point, he can pursue something serious. His words were that he must get his “ducks in a row.” She then asks incredulously, “So when everything is in place, your true love is just going to magically show up?” As if it works out that perfectly, right?

Even after they sporadically meet several times over the next six years and all continues to go well, Oliver continues to keep Emily at an arm’s distance because of work-related issues. He’s moving to San Francisco for his dot.com, he’s getting venture capital for his dot.com and works all the time, etc. He goes on to rationalize that if his job keeps him busy enough as is, is it fair to Emily if he can’t be there, like he should? As predicted, his business goes to hell in a handbag and he goes back to Emily, only to find her engaged.

I continually hear this line of reasoning from people who are afraid of relationships, having children, changing jobs, or even on the negative side of leaving a person – there’s all these “as soon as” scenarios, when the truth is that our ducks are never lined a row. As soon as one problem is solved, another emerges. In the case of Oliver, he finally gets his dream job and then he’s too busy to even pursue the relationship that would supposedly complete the circle. And, he never gave Emily the choice to move and tolerate his work schedule.

Unfortunately, Oliver realized his priorities were twisted as soon as work took itself out of the equation. No matter how hard he tried and committed himself to his new business, there are just some things that were out of his control. Odd that he would take such a risk on a dot.com, but not with a relationship? You really don't hear too many people at the end of their life say they really appreciated their career above all else, do you?

After Oliver’s business failed, his brother made the comment that “life is right now. It doesn’t wait for you to get back on your feet.” The person who took a risk in a relationship that failed can either play it safe and potentially miss a better opportunity right in front of him/her, or they can keep stepping up to bat. The couple that miscarries their first child tries for another or adopts. The entrepreneur tries the next new adventure. The miserable spouse has “the talk” with the other about setting the marriage back on course.

The idea to "live in the now" is such a great mantra, as almost everything worth having comes with some sort of risk and we can't just wait for it to always be convenient. It’s a constant struggle and the source of much anxiety to put ourselves out there, just kind of dangling and flailing, but it’s oftentimes the only way to get what we really want. It’s as if it’s life’s test to decide whether or not we deserve it.

And I, for one, hate missing out.

"If you're not willing to sound stupid, you don't deserve to be in love." Emily