Coming out party

I have to end the week on what I think is a funny note. Your comments (or lack thereof) I suppose will tell me if I’m right. In watching Will & Grace recently, it reminded me of the two times where a friend has come out of the closet to me, though I was by no means their first prey.

I’m not being rude by sharing these stories, as I laughed so hard when they first talked to me that I asked if I could share the story with others, and even repeated the incidents in their presence thereafter.

Jack and a group of us from this organization were in Dallas for a conference. I got into the elevator with Jack and another guy, Nick.

Jack suddenly turns to me and says, “Becky, I’ve got to tell you something.”
Becky: What?
Jack: I’m gay.
Silence.
Becky: No shit Sherlock.
Jack (surprised at my reaction): What do you mean? You knew?
Becky: Dude, you might as well have a fluorescent pink neon sign on your forehead. Everyone thinks you’re gay.
Jack: Really, how?
Becky: Well, one of the biggest clues is the fact that you wear silky running shorts, you walk with your hands out at a 90 degree angle from your body and you -- and I shit you not -- “swish” as you walk. The other one is that you gloss your lips up so much that it looks like you’re constantly eating pork chops.
Jack: Oh, that obvious, huh?
Becky: Yep, ‘fraid so, buddy.

What was cool is that Jack realized that I really didn’t care and he could talk to me about it, which was kind of rare at our conservative school. So, he would tell me about the various dudes he liked, things people said to him, etc. He said I was one of the few people he could talk openly with, and that meant so much to me, though I haven’t seen him since I graduated almost nine years ago.

Another college friend, Burt, came out to me over the phone about three years after graduation. He was another one of those where it was widely debated of “is he or isn’t he?” because he acted very flamboyant, yet would still talk about women. Later, I learned his talks about women were specifically to throw people off his trail.

So, we’re talking on the phone about what life is like as an open gay man, and loves it because it’s the first time he’s free and can be himself, etc. He then tells me that there’s something he needs to be honest about. See, he was determined to avoid the typical stereotypes of what you normally think of applying to a gay man, but there was one that he could not. He was ashamed to admit it, but he had to do it.

Becky (dying of curiosity): What is it?
Burt: Well….I moisturize.
Silence.
Becky: Your ass?
Burt (laughing): No, silly, my face.
Becky: Oh, that’s no big deal. Lots of guys do that in order to avoid dry skin. You don’t have to be gay to do that.
Burt: Oh okay. Now I feel better.

I did keep up with Burt for several years after college, but I haven’t since I moved back to Hawaii almost three years ago. Yet, I often wonder how he’s doing, and if he’s okay. But, somehow I think he’s doing just fine. He seemed happier to me after his coming out than he ever did during school, where he felt he was living a lie.

Then again, I think we’d all feel anguish if we couldn’t be our true selves and still be loved.