No brady bunch here

First of all, I'm going to forewarn you that this is a really long, yet really personal post (for me). So, you're not only in for a dime but also a pound.

This is a picture of my three siblings and me (L to R: Rachel, Andrew, Becky, Patrick – yes, all biblical names from our Catholic parents, as I’m really Rebecca). What’s the first thing you think of as you look at this? I’m wondering if it’s the same thing that I've heard all my life:

Are those your “real” brothers and sisters?
Did you guys really have the same parents?
None of you guys are steps?

Oh, and this is my favorite, even if meant as a joke: are you the milkman’s daughter?

I just love being the lone brunette in a sib crowd of dirty blondes (their blondness ranges from dark to light, depending on sun exposure).

This happened again, when my friend Brook was back in Hawaii for a visit with her family, along with her fiance’, Jarl. I showed them this exact picture, which was taken a month earlier when Rachel and Patrick were home for a visit.

Jarl: These are really your brothers and sisters?
Becky: Yeah, why, you can’t tell? You don’t think we look alike (knowing full well we don’t)?
Jarl: Seriously, really? You look like you could be the milkman’s daughter. Hahahaha!

I was really kind of tired at this point of hearing about this from ANYONE, so I decide to fuck with him, despite the fact I really do like him. It was just bad-timing on his part.

Becky: As a matter of fact, Jarl, I might be.
Jarl: Uh… (clearly feeling awkward) … what?
Becky: You know, the milkman's daughter. I’m actually adopted.
Jarl: Are you really? Brook, did you know that? (Brook shakes her head, “no,” not really sure if I’m joking or not)
Becky: Yeah, I just haven’t told very many people about it.

We leave it at that. They came over the next night to watch my recording of Scrubs. Obviously this revelation has caused Jarl some angst, because if it’s really “true,” he feels like an ass for his milkman comment.

Jarl: So, uh, Becky. You were just joking last night, weren’t you? About that whole adoption bit? Because I asked Brook about it and she said it was the first she heard of it, and I figured that if it were true, you would’ve at least told her. I mean, you guys are one of each other’s closest friends.
Becky: Sorry, I can’t pull your foot out of your mouth on this one, Jarl, but I’m afraid it’s true. I am. I just haven’t said anything to anyone because…well, I’m not really sure why. I’m not embarrassed about it, but I guess I just didn’t want people to think I didn’t “belong” where I was or that they’d always think of me as just being an Adopted Kid. But, I bet it will make you think twice before you make another milkman comment again, doesn’t it?

Even though I don’t think the other three look much alike, they at least have the light hair and blue eyes (though all have different shades of each). The only thing that has really sucked about being adopted is the fact that I don’t look like anyone, but I wouldn’t have given it as much thought, if so many people had not made comments without realizing how tactless they were.

Why have I never said anything before? I honestly can't pin it down. Whenever it has come up in the family, they almost seem upset, so I figured it was best not to say anything. I guess I also didn’t want to be considered “different” -- or at least not for that reason. Then, I found out from my Mom that she apparently told me I was adopted from when I was really little, so that I didn’t think it was a big deal (I remember finding out when I was 7).

Now, the inevitable answers to the questions I’m asked every time someone new has been brought in the loop:

My grandfather was my biological mother’s doctor, so he “arranged” the adoption right at birth b/c my parents didn’t think they could have kids of their own (Mom got pregnant with Rachel when I was 2 ½ months old, go figure). My biological parents were young, unmarried, and not ready for a kid of their own.

I’ve never felt like an “outsider” with the family. And yes, comments like “hey, you could actually have sex with your brother and it’s not technically incest” are quite unwelcome:)

Apparently telling your sister that you’re allowed to call people “bastards” because you are one will make her cry and should not be said EVER again.

I have no desire to meet my biological parents. It’s not that I’m upset or anything, but I just don’t need to. I do wish that I at least knew what they looked like, so I can physically identify with someone in this world.

I was lucky in that because of point #1, I was able to get a description of my biological mother’s medical history and found out that although her side is quite obese, they lived rather healthy lives, most of them dying in their old age of heart attacks or strokes. To me, that is the scariest part about being adopted and something that should be included in any adoption records – medical information. For instance, I have a blood type that is unlike anyone in my family and is not that common, in general (A+), so I’m kind of SOL if I ever get sick (except I found out a good friend has the same blood type, too, so yay!). However, the fact that I’m the only one to suffer from migraines somewhat freaks me out b/c I’m afraid I might stroke out at an early age.

Lately, I've also been irritated by various things on TV like "Who's Your Daddy?" or the ER episode that's airing tomorrow night about Kerry Weaver finding her biological mother. The promos are saying something like "how do you talk to a mother who let you go the moment you were born?" or some bullshit like that. So, a woman who isn't prepared to be a good mother tries to give you a better life and that's a bad thing?

I’m sharing this story, which for me is a big deal, so that you don’t make the same mistake with someone else. Jarl is a very nice guy, and I know he didn’t mean to come across the way that he did (and yes, Brook reads my blog every day). It will also be interesting to see how many “real life” friends actually read my page and send me e-mails saying “what the hell?” And, if you are curious, please feel free to ask me any questions.

Now, be nice or no more secrets for you!

Next!