Soulmates

This pic is from the movie, The Notebook, which is one of the few movies that I think shows true love in a non-cheesy way (my friend, Katrina, and I totally bawled our eyes out). I used a pic of them as an older couple because I felt it embodied that whole theme of everlasting love. I don’t even think the movie’s too sappy for men, though I only know of two who saw it (but both liked it).

Anyway, what made me think of it is an ep of Sex in the City that I watched the other night where the girls were talking about whether or not the idea of a soul mate actually exists, and if so, can there be only one? Now, Samantha (who has the best one-liners) responded by saying “if you believe there can only be one, then that just widens the gap between the assholes and the Holy Grail.” I do think that there are such things as soul mates, but I do not believe that there is only one person in the entire world meant for you. Otherwise, the odds are just too stacked against you.

I bring this up because several people, including my Mom at dinner tonight, said that while I’m basically “doing well,” they don’t think I will be truly happy until I get married again. While I’m honest enough to admit that is probably (okay, definitely) true, I also had to tell my Mom that I need to wait for the “right” person not just the “next” one. It may be tomorrow, next month, next year or even five years from now. While there is no greater feeling than being in a good relationship, I'm not going to force anything because I've also learned that you have to accept the person for who they are today and not who you hope they'll be in 10 years. Marriage is hard enough not to settle for anything less than what you want – in my case, a husband who will be reading a book to me on a park bench when I’m 70.

I don’t know if it’s because I was married in my 20s, I’ve gotten older, learned from others' troubles or all of the above, but my priorities of what's important have changed from 10 years ago. Money is not an issue; I just want a guy who can pay his own damn bills! One who remembers that I abhor peanut butter on anything and will never ever ever ever drink coffee (but love hot chocolate). One who may not appreciate all of the types of movies that I do, but won’t always send me off to see them by myself in the theatre. One who won’t laugh at me body-surfing up the sand, looking more like a beached whale, instead of Pamela Anderson (laughing with me is okay, though). One who understands that I may come home from work in a tizzy but to just leave me alone for 10 minutes and let me calm down. One who is more laid-back to chill me out, but not necessarily a slacker. One who will let me get through singing at least one song in the car, despite the fact I’m utterly tone deaf. One who likes to travel. One who will get me to try new things that I haven’t heard about or might’ve been too scared to do (like sky diving!). One who doesn’t continually ask for a massage and then returns the favor by “tapping” on my shoulders… a month later. One who understands when I just need him to listen versus trying to "solve" the problem. One who has their own interests, yet is open enough to learn about and experience mine (and vice versa).

I figure if a guy is really into me, then it will come naturally, or if it doesn’t, then we’re not a good fit anyway. However, despite the best intentions from these people to wish me well, it would be far worse for me to make a bad choice than not to make one at all.